NICU and Divorce

Parents of small, sick  preemies  can, for many reasons, lose each other.

Parents in NICU have a scenario that the normal newborn family, home in 3 days, never has.  Because of the construct of the small space for isolette and chair etc., parents come into the unit and the mom absolutely zeros in on the isolette,  (Reptilian brain again.). Her body completely fills the space at the isolette and there is almost no way around that.  The father sees her back and little else, and again and again, he eventually sits in a chair and reads a book, appearing as uncaring and callous.  Sometimes the mother will hand the wrapped baby to dad but it’s still an offering from her, not ownership by him which is a must in a happy partnership.

I would tell this to all the parents of long term little ones and now, fifteen to twenty years later, I’m learning that the majority of our families are still intact so this may be the core problem.

Now for the bad news.  The divorce rate in families with long term NICU babies is believed to be 97%.  Tulane calls it 100%.

I believe the father as ‘left out’ is the major cause.

There is an easy way around this for fathers and I have seen many do it.  They come in alone, often before work for the 6AM bath and feeding.  It seems that this experience creates a sustained bonding.

We are enculturated to focus on ourselves with such intensity that everyone else is left out.  Intimacy is frightening and humans no longer look each other in the eye.  They don’t even look their pets in the eye.  It’s too much giving up control and allowing vulnerability.  Force yourself to do it.  Begin with a child or maybe the cat.  Talk to this spirit as independent from yourself.  When brave enough, look an adult you love (and trust) in the eyes… it’s a soul to soul experience.

Only the last years in NICU did I begin looking newborns in the eye and talking to them as an adult (and what was looking back at me was very adult… try it.)  I’d say to the boys:  “You are born onto earth and have parents who are going to give you a great childhood.  And you are quite handsome, like your father.”  And they smiled!

The notion that newborns smile is gas is complete nonsense, driven by those who have no experience.  We in NICU see it all the time and a classic example is the photo called  Laughing Premie from Loma Linda.

So, how can parents avoid divorce after NICU:

  • Choose a baby sitter.  Have the person take a CPR class for infants.
  • Include Dad in the daily care of the baby.
  • Do not focus completely on the baby.  It’s hard on the marriage and hard on the baby.
  • Make some feedings by bottle so Dad can see the curve of his baby’s cheek, that beautiful corner of the baby’s mouth where tongue, bottle and cheek meet.  So he can feel how strong the baby’s pull on the bottle is.
  • Don’t always hand the baby to Dad, he must be a full partner, not a participant.  There’s a difference.
  • Do not criticize parenting of the other.  It turns the critic into everyone’s parent, not a nice place to find yourself.
  • Once a month, go to a restaurant with booths (so no one can shout and no one can cry) for a family meeting. Bring notes if you want to.  The agenda is to be objective and to answer the question:  “How’re we doing?”.  This way, gripes don’t ooze out and ruin the time at home.  Just put it into the notes and save it for the family meeting.  Home must be safe for everyone, always.
  • Plan a date.  Once a month, every other week, you each plan something very special that will please the other and make good memories.  Not a dinner and movie date.  Something like sitting on a dock in morning mists, with a thermos of coffee and breakfast treats.  Feeding ducks in a rose garden pond. Visit art galleries on a First Thursday.  Sit on a bench and guess what passerby’s do for a living.  Visit a toy train store. Go to garage sales or a flea market.  It need not cost money.  The upshot of this is that you know your mate is thinking of how to please you and you are thinking of your mate in positive, loving terms.
  • Learn Partner Yoga.  Do it with your mate.  Do it with your children.
  • Become romantic.  Set up candlelight dinners.
  • Look into your partner’s eyes.

Causes of Hoarding and How to Prevent It

Hoarding is not a psychological disease. Our reptilian brain and childhood experiences drive us to hoard. All species hoard.

Our reptilian brains are about survival and continuation of the species. These two functions are beyond control and override everything else we do.  Scarcity and it’s companion fear, drive us. This is true for every living thing.

We are not all the same.  We are molded by our experiences and adapted by our drives.

From childhood, females build the nest and males build the support system.  Little girls play with dolls and boys with building.  Watch them playing… a boy may drive a plastic truck through the dirt, silently for hours and adults tend to see it as mindless pastime.  It’s not and if you watch long enough you will see the purpose.  Girls nurture and boys support.  The reptilian brain at work, busy, focused and with intense purpose.  Serious stuff.

Part of that drive includes amassing a collection of ‘things’.  Everyone does it.  Sports hero memorabelia for boys, pretty things for girls and most of the time it remains orderly and within control.

Hoarding is when it becomes out of control and the hoarder is not crazy, bad or low class.  The hoarder is trying to fix something damaged in childhood.

When a parent throws away or gives away a child’s toys, or more importantly the little things the child brings home, a stick or rock or flower…  when they pack up the child’s clothes and some favorite thing is lost forever.

Make a shelf for the child’s very favorite things.  Assure him that his shelf is off-limits to everyone but him.  When he outgrows his clothes, ask him if there is a favorite he would like to save.  Cleaning out the toys?  Ask him if there is anything he’s not finished playing with yet.  This implies that he will be finished with it eventually, a normal occurrence.

Children will look for things they loved and that have vanished and it continues into old age.  A terrible thing to do to someone.  They will have a lifetime of feeling unstable, vulnerable and certainly unsafe.  Remember that someone else’s things are important to them for reasons we will never know and the repercussions never end.

Adults need to remember also that leaving behind a room of childhood /teenage treasures when they leave home is absolutely not fair and reflects another problem.  They never wanted to leave mom and dad’s house and need an excuse to come back .  There is a bumper sticker that says ‘They haven’t left home until their stuff is out of the basement.’

So, the hoarder is keeping everything close to home, safely protected around him.  It may be a pile of newspapers but something happened to cause that.  Maybe someone interrupted a statement he made to arrogantly say:  “What is your source of information?”

Be kind to the hoarder.  Anything else is just another case of blaming the victim.

Beliefs That Hurt Our Lives

  • Life is fair.
  • Everyone must like me.
  • Everything is supposed to be good all the time.
  • Nothing should change.
  • There is an ideal daddy.
  • Daddy will always take care of me.
  • There is only one way of doing things.
  • Wasting time is bad.
  • Beautiful people are also good people.

A story:

Our Pediatrician, Dr. Lendon Smith told me when my children were little that a boy of 4 pees, in the toilet, 25% of the time and on the floor 75% of the time.  By age 8, it was toilet 35%, floor 65% and on up to the adult male, toilet 75%, floor 25% and my daily anger at them all just vanished. It was just one of the bad percentage days in the routine of things.

Same holds true with life being fair.  As soon as one understands that life is not fair, the stress and angst vanish.  Fair is a precious gift and deep love is due to those who work to be fair.  Unfair is a rock in the road to get around, learn from and disengage from.

And when stress is going to wreck yet another day, find a favorite spot, curl up with a cup of something hot and listen to PACIFE Music to Calm, it’s magic.

Teaching a Preemie to Suck

There is only one pacifier shape that teaches good sucking.  All others, except the Nuk, work against it.

Because of prematurity the baby is born before the full, strong sucking reflex was established.  He must be taught to suck,  to gain cheek muscles,  to learn the correct combination of sucking and pulling without air leaks and to transfer these skills from the bottle to the breast. Working in NICU for 20 years, I’ve used this system of teaching sucking efficiency with hundreds of babies and it works every time.

  • Hold the bottle near the neck with the thumb and middle finger and using your last 2 fingers, support him under the chin, then when he starts sucking, put traction on the bottle. The chin support  brings the jaw forward and the tongue forward and his response to the traction is to curl his tongue around the nipple. This with the ring of the nipple against his mouth gives a firm, efficient package and he will begin to build up strength, cheek muscles and stamina.  He will take a few sucks and then stop to rest.  This is hard work for him in the beginning.  Some nurses twist the nipple repeatedly in the baby’s mouth, others pump up and down or back and forth. The baby will not learn to suck if that’s the case. They are simply expressing milk into it’s mouth. (and it makes me crazy)
  • The Pacifier. There is only one pacifier that teaches them to suck correctly. It’s the original Binky (pink image below), a rather large, rounded bulb with a stem fitting into a curved mouthpiece. This thing is magic.  It will teach him to suck at breast like a normal newborn. Email Binky (Playtex) and ask where to buy them near you.  The NUK pacifier was designed by a German orthodontist to bring a receding chin out and it does not strengthen the tongue.  Other pacifiers are either too short, too straight or too flat, preventing the infant’s learning a good tongue curl and grip.

 

 

 

 

Gerber is again marketing the original Binky for which every parent should grateful.  It’s called First Essentials and if not in your grocery stores, it’s available on Amazon.

Start a Baby Sitting Co-op

The Capitol Hill Babysitting Co-op has been working for 50 years.  

During the Kennedy years, we lived in Washington, D.C., just behind the capitol dome, an area of old row houses, some restored and known as Capitol Hill.  Scattered about were  young eager professionals in the new Administration, and someone began a baby sitting co-op which is now famous.

Capitol Hill Babysitting Co-op – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

This is how it worked:

People joining the co-op were friends of those already in it.  No money was exchanged.  Instead we used theater thickets (script), each one representing 15 minutes.  So for a six hour evening, you left with 24 tickets, giving you 6 hours worth of sitting from someone else in the co-op.  There was a phone list and when you wanted a sitter, you began calling.  Within months the group of parents grew into two groups, four by the end of the year.

Returning to Portland and living near our beloved Reed College, I began the co-op.  Sometimes the dad would be the sitter, sometimes the mom.  I remember every one of the houses.  How lovely to sit in a different house, listening to their music, quiet hours of reading.  occasionally new friendships were made but most often the social exchange was business-like and polite.

Would you worry about becoming stuck with children who won’t go to bed?  Take your copy of the PACIFE Music to Calm CD.  They will fall asleep.  Quickly.

Rules of the co-op can be expanded to taking your children to someone elses house during the day. This probably needs a bonus such as double or triple scripts depending on the number of children.

Add another twist.  Include grandmotherly types who can exchange their script for some garden help for example.  Or for cat sitting.

Co-ops need a set of rules, a board and one person for oversight. All paid by script.

Shaken Baby Syndrome

Shaking a baby that won’t stop crying may be an instinct of frustration. Even the saints among us have been to that point and somehow stopped themselves.

PACIFE Music to Calm stops the crying minutes after the screamer takes a breath and is quiet enough to hear it.  The mathematical character of this music along with the primal tunes Bernstein talks about quickly engage them.

Newborn drug babies, after the third day, begin a terrible and violent drug withdrawal.  The muscles in their legs undulate and cramp (we can see it and feel it), they purple cry nonstop, they shake, they have explosive diarrhea that eats their bottoms raw and they are beyond comfort.  This is the comment of one NICU nurse about a baby in drug withdrawal…

“I found a tape player and began to play the PACIFE music for him… I’d no sooner put it into the tape player than he stopped crying. It’s instantaneous. He’s looking around with a relaxed, peaceful face.”

– S. S., NICU Registered Nurse

 

Watch a Child’s School Experience Carefully

You may never find out what happened to change your child’s behavior… here are some examples.

Several years ago, in a Portland middle school, a little girl did not have a food voucher at the end of the lunch line.  Her mother forgot to renew them.  The cashier scolded, berated and humiliated the child, took her food tray and threw the food into the trash.  The nightly news reported it and interviewed the principal who defended the cashier.

A similar experience of public humiliation from a kindergarten teacher, has left me with a lifetime of horrible consequences.  And because children are cheerfully sent off to school by parents, they believe that the parents are in agreement with everything that happens to them.

Parents need to keep an open, clear conversation with children, every day, about what happened in school that day.  Pay full attention, careful to not blame the child for anything or become overly agitated as the story unfolds.  You don’t want to shut this communication off, children are literal, they only learn embellishment and lying later, embellishment if they are not listened to and lying to avoid bad consequences to what they are saying.  Then go to that school and raise hell!

One of my children did not bring an expected drawing home from her small religious school that day. When asked she said the teacher threw her drawing into the garbage. I took the book Picasso’s World of Children,  went to see the teacher and told her she would have thrown away Picasso’s work and that she had no business being anywhere near a child. Then I joined the Board of Director’s of this school and fired her. As an adult, this child of mine was blessed with the entire gene pool of generations of portrait painters, she could draw as a photograph looks. This could bring hours of delightful magic to her life but she will not draw or paint.

Teachers, nurses and police are professions that appeal to the same segments of society, the supporters and the controllers.  Because exchanges between them and client patients, students and the public are essentially private, the controllers can be as nasty as they wish.  Watch out!

With Children, Our Goals Change

Our child’s life outside of home is not what you think it is. Here is an important book about boys.

When our children begin to venture beyond home, our goals are that they have wonderful experiences and remain happy always. Then in school the goal changes to ‘may their quest for knowledge not be harmed.’, then as middle school rears it’s ugly head the goal is singular… that they come through it without a drug or alcohol addiction.  In high school, black parents goal is that their child live through it.

Parents however have no idea what is happening to their child’s self esteem, his confidence and his view of the world. In his very special book, Real Boy’s Voices, William Pollack interviewed boys from ages 10 to 20 around America asking them about their lives and learning they’re being taught a formula of secret angst and fears which evolve to rule their behavior and preoccupy them constantly.  Who is saying these things to boys? Who cultivates these fears?  Teachers.  Women teachers! Why?

“Call Home for a Ride”

Parents need to show this sequence to children and tell them to: “Call home for a ride… no questions asked, happy to come and get you”.

This is an episode of the Judge Judy show that illustrates the fragile relationships and betrayals of teenagers.  It’s called Set up for an attack and there’s a 3 video clip sequence telling the story.

Ashley, the victim in this scenario, needs expensive and extensive plastic surgery to repair that broken nose and restore her beautiful face.

Preemies are Overprotected

They are made of tough stuff and fearless.  Here’s a story.

The mother of one of our smallest, in NICU for a year (20 years ago, with new technology that never happens any more) and trached at home for two years more called into NICU one night and said she felt awful.   Ryan  was jumping on the sofa, fell off and broke his arm.  I told the nurses working nearby and they cheered!  The mother on the phone asked what that was about.

I told her they were cheering her because preemies are so tenderly overprotected as they’re growing up that they can never experience life.

Your preemie as a toddler will climb on a chair and jump to the sofa. Again and again.  Even falling does not stop him.  I wondered why this was so common.  Maybe because he has learned to trust.  He trusts people because everyone in this NICU experience was essentially kind to him, and gentle.  But he also has learned to trust space!  Infants understand perspective and there are studies where a deep floor of black and white squares was painted on the bottom of a large sheet of glass.  The mother was on the far edge and the newly crawling baby near the opposite edge.  The mother called him to her and he crawled to the part of the glass painted with his edge, saw what appeared to be a drop-off and would go no further.  So why do preemie infants seem to not react to the drop-off?  It may be because he has lived in a glass house, perceived that it was high and was not worried about the consequences of falling.

The truth about preemies growing up is that they are made of strong stuff, happy, brave, daring, smart.  Enjoy them.

Little Children Need Water

We forget, it doesn’t occur to us but little children can’t get their own water, maybe even bigger children.  They can’t reach a glass or the sink and must ask every time so they probably only wait until they are really thirsty.  Figure out a way to put a fresh bottle of water (and crack open the cap) somewhere down low every day.

  • A story:  When I nursed the newest baby, I’d become very thirsty.  My little children would bring me wonderful glasses of water until I realized no-one was tall enough to reach the sink. So their father came out of the bathroom one day asking: “Why is there a paper cup dispenser on the wall next to the toilet.”  I said: “Because I don’t want them spreading germs.” Well, that didn’t solve my problem so I put one of those blue things into the tank and a sign up saying… ‘Don’t drink blue water’.

Bringing Baby Home

When the second child came home, we presented the first with a red bike at the same time.  (but then, isn’t the first child always given ‘things’).

When the third child came home, it was a lovely spring day and the 2 year old was sitting in her red wagon, sticky and covered with sand.  I said:  “Here’s your baby, Jessica.”, carried the sleeping baby to her and put it in her lap.  She looked at it and looked and then the baby opened her eyes, stretched and yawned.  Jessica’s eyes got huge and she covered her baby with kisses, big, wet, sandy kisses.

Instant bonding.

A ‘How Are We Doing’ Trick

Most of us have ‘the ox’ by the tail, flapping around behind,  just following where the last event leads.  Life goes on day by day outside of our control, ruled by fears and shoulds which is dangerous to goals.  It doesn’t have to be that way.

I know a very successful man who each year, stays in a motel room at the beach, alone for 4 days with a purpose.  He is there to review the past year and brings any materials he may need, bank statements, business materials, letters, photographs.  Anything and everything.

Then, one part at a time, he reviews every facet of his life to identify problems and set new goals.

  • Relationships
  • How is his family doing
  • Friendships
  • Money
  • Parenting
  • The children
  • The marriage
  • The business
  • The job
  • His happiness
  • Health
  • His food trip
  • Vacations and free time

… everything separately, one at a time until satisfied and then he makes goals for each part for the next year.

This couple went through a long and very stressful NICU experience and should have become one of the 97% divorce rate NICU statistics.  Not only are they married, they are like newlyweds after 20 years!

Negative People

Life is Good.  Life is Great.

I’d say this in the middle of the night at work and co-workers would ask what I was on or say that I’m crazy.  In the break room old episodes of The Cosby Show would be playing and I’d remark that it was exactly like our house and everyone pounced saying that no-one’s house was like that.  When questioned, they said everyone’s house was Married with Children.

Why are some firmly and absolutely negatively based and others, maybe blindsided, frantic or sad, remain positive?  Genetics? Childhood influences?  Sure but this doesn’t mean the ‘negative Muse’ cannot stop. What’s a ‘Muse’?  In this context, it’s when you find the one word that describes the underlying  goal of every day.  Lloyd Reynolds was a ‘Comic Muse’.  (for wonderful stories, see archives)

Negative people can change but I think it may require an ‘ah ha’ moment, something big, something life threatening big.  A terrible brush with death, fighting cancer, anaphylactic reaction to bee sting.  An event that illustrates without a doubt that life itself is positive.  One can force this event by structuring life risk events like Sky Diving, Rock Climbing.

Negative people are enculturated to mistrust those who are positive and hanging out with someone happy and positive for awhile is, to quote a friend:  “A life changing experience.”  But then fear of the unknown creeps in and not only do they revert but they attack.  It takes a personal ‘ah ha’ moment where fear and anger are no longer desirable.

F. Scott Peck says not to try to change this, just stay away in his book People of the Lie.  Becoming involved catches you in their karmic loop.

Derek Bok, former president of Harvard says in his book, Political Happiness, that only 3 things prevent one from experiencing happiness:

  • Depression
  • Chronic pain
  • Sleep deprivation  (fix this one with the music of PACIFE)

I would add two others:

  • Alcoholism
  • Narcotic addiction

Certain professions force the negative personality, some by the assumption that people are doing something wrong, others by circumstances.

  • Policeman /Lawyer /Judge
  • Social worker
  • The NICU nurse and RT (Respiratory therapist) for example,   approaches every minute with an underlay of ‘what’s wrong with this’.  They have to because anything wrong can accelerate rapidly and must be pounced on.  The tiniest drop in heart rate.  A cacophony of equipment all with alarms, some can be ignored, some we run to.  They work with eyes behind their heads. And this negative micro-management runs over into life outside of work, damages relationships and is hard on children.
  • In Computer work, QA (Quality Assurance) is negatively based also.  Finding what does not work is the entire focus of the job.

Baby's Head Shape

About fifteen years ago, researchers did a world survey about SIDS and found that SIDS was low in China and Eastern Europe where children slept on their backs and very high in New Zealand and Australia where children slept on their stomachs (on sheepskins, the real kind from the sheep).

From this, rules for positioning newborns changed.  Sheepskins were gone and babies were placed on their backs, flat or gently tipped to the side.  Incidence of SIDS fell dramatically and many of the remaining SIDS happened at daycare.  (Read SIDS and Daycare post).

Until the 1940s, babies in America slept on their backs and children had round faces.  (See Change Your Baby’s Head Shape post). Then it was said that if a child slept on their back, it could vomit, aspirate and die.  THIS IS NOT TRUE.  The only group that cannot clear their vomit sleeping on the back are adults too drunk to wake up. Now children sleeping on the stomach had long, narrow faces and this became the beauty standard in America.

Sleeping on the back will give the child an entirely different look. The face is now wider and called ’round’ or ‘square’ and no longer ‘oval’.  Ears stick out in a charming way because the baby is not lying on them.  Eyes are big because the bones behind the eyes are now flattened a bit and eyes are no longer deeply recessed.  The entire look is beautiful and now corresponds with the beauty of European women such as Penelope Cruz for example.

Change Your Baby's Head Shape

A baby’s head is bigger in ratio to the body than adults by a large factor.  It would be as if we were dealing with a head that weighed 70 pounds with no neck muscles.  Newborns for the first 2 months are unable to lift their heads and remain rooted to the spot.  Newborns on their backs cannot even turn the head.

Because of this, the normal rounded back of the head forces the baby’s chin to the chest position (which you don’t see from the front and which is not good for maintaining an open airway), and the head from neck up  becomes flattened from it’s weight.  Weeks and months of this position leaves the baby with a flat head coming to a point and as an adult, he will be heartbroken.  (Adult women can hide it somewhat by fluffy hairstyle.)

Long term preemies in NICU began to show this headshape change.  P;acing a folded blanket under their backs, from the shoulder down, allowed their head to remain on the unraised portion of the bed with less of a weight factor.  Then I would put one of the Ross cards on the top of the isolette dome and they turned the head to look at it.  Now the newborn could freely turn his own head and create a nice shape to it.

You have 6 months before the bones of the baby’s head are solid to the point they will never change shape:

  • Raise his body by padding under it, with a thin blanket folded,  from shoulders down when in bed.
  • Same thing in the stroller, jump seat etc.  Pad from shoulders down, keeping alignment of the head with the chin in a straight line, not tilted down.  Tilting down bends the airway.
  • Padded inserts to car seats and strollers that form an arc around the child’s head force the chin down.  Without the arc, the baby’s head will fall to the shoulder when he sleeps so do what mothers have done forever, prop it up with a folded cloth or stuffed toy.

SIDS and Daycare

Parents beginning daycare for newborns gave the daycare provider careful and firm instructions that the baby was not to be placed on the stomach for sleep.  The daycare provider thought: “my babies slept on their stomachs and it was good enough for them…”  and put the infant in their charge on the stomach with disastrous consequence.

Because of  the changes in positioning rules, babies sleeping on their backs no longer began prematurely developing the (limited but important for stomach sleeping) neck strength that they were forced into by sleeping on the stomach.  Now these newborns, trained differently, were completely helpless.

Some Arguing Tricks

Have an off-site Partner Meeting with your mate once a month to discuss how it’s going, how each child is doing, what you would like to change and to make new goals.  Keys to success …

  • Prepare for the meeting.  Make a list and notes.
  • Stay positive and avoid anger.
  • Go with the foundation belief that everything is just a mechanical problem, everyone is good and everything is fixable.
  • Meet in a restaurant with booths for private conversation.
  • Mom can’t cry.
  • Dad can’t shout.
  • The conversation should be about circumstances and not about each other (ad hominum)
  • Have no alcohol before and only coffee or tea during the meeting.  Eating is too complicated and distracting  and may cause stomach ache.  This is a serious meeting.
  • Define the problem.  Devise and problem solve solutions.   Make a plan and a secret signal between you to remind each other of your new goals.

A plan of this sort reduces daily argument.  One tends to save an issue for Partner Meeting and add more thoughts about it, calm thoughts, problem solving thoughts throughout the month.

Ignoring parenting problems is embedding the consequences forever and probably for generations.

What you accept, you teach.

What My Children Taught Me

For three hours durig the night there was no-one in NICU but the babies and nurses so we would talk around the room, as women do.

One night someone asked me what my children have taught me.

The answer flooded into my head:

  • Josh taught me the joy of introducing the world to a brilliant mind.
  • Jessica taught me to laugh.
  • Rachel gives me elegant friends, adventures and memories.
  • … and Elan taught me that love is quiet.

Namaste my children, namaste.  The spirit that is me bows to the spirit that is you.

… and I put an ax through the television.

In this era of the human species males attack, damage and kill  females and children, antithetical  to the reptilian brain’s drive to preserve and continue the race.  Rare and tribal in the wild, species engaging in this behavior risk extinction.

In the 1940s and 50s, it probably happened but it was part of a thing society found so outrageous, so terrible that it became ‘unspeakable’.

No longer.  Now it’s the core of news, a lament-without-rant if you will.  There is no outraged inflection or angry concerned facial expression with this news, much of it is delivered by women, often with a smile as she says the words.

Not only news but also ENTERTAINMENT.  Bloody gore inflicted on women on prime time TV, full color, close-ups to entertain us. In some series the victim is always female.  There is no democracy.  If you were to suggest a story to producers in which a woman kills and mutilates a man they’d look at you in confusion.

The question is why do women allow this.  Why are good men not rising up in arms against it.  Who do producers think their market is?

These shows are pandering to the most depraved and sick, give permission to make woman as victim and teach our children.

  • A STORY:  I put the TV on the floor of a closet and my children sat on the floor watching it.  Then I put it in the scariest corner of the basement where there were spiders and my children sat, hugging each other, watching it. Then I brought it back upstairs and removed the antenna and came home from work and found that they took the curtain down, neatly folded it, and fashioned an antenna with the curtain rod.  So I took the on-off knob off and carried it to work and became famous.  They turned it on with a pliers.  One morning, after a night in the Burn  ICU  with a man who’s car went off a cliff and burst into flames, I came home to chairs angled around the TV, pillows in the chairs and bowels with remains of popcorn on the floor.  I thought that my children were watching this as entertainment and there was no way I could explain reality to them so I unplugged the TV, called them all into the room before school, said:  “This machine is ruining the quality of our lives together.”  and put an ax through the screen.  Four very astonished children left for school and I went to bed.  When they came home, they were cheerful and as usual to me and I said I thought they’d be angry at me and one of them said:  “We’re so glad you did that.”  After about a week of being at loose-ends, they began painting, putting on wonderful plays, and I bought a pool table for the living room.  Life was good.  Life was great.