Our reptilian brains are about survival and continuation of the species. These two functions are beyond control and override everything else we do. Scarcity and it’s companion fear, drive us. This is true for every living thing.
We are not all the same. We are molded by our experiences and adapted by our drives.
From childhood, females build the nest and males build the support system. Little girls play with dolls and boys with building. Watch them playing… a boy may drive a plastic truck through the dirt, silently for hours and adults tend to see it as mindless pastime. It’s not and if you watch long enough you will see the purpose. Girls nurture and boys support. The reptilian brain at work, busy, focused and with intense purpose. Serious stuff.
Part of that drive includes amassing a collection of ‘things’. Everyone does it. Sports hero memorabelia for boys, pretty things for girls and most of the time it remains orderly and within control.
Hoarding is when it becomes out of control and the hoarder is not crazy, bad or low class. The hoarder is trying to fix something damaged in childhood.
When a parent throws away or gives away a child’s toys, or more importantly the little things the child brings home, a stick or rock or flower… when they pack up the child’s clothes and some favorite thing is lost forever.
Make a shelf for the child’s very favorite things. Assure him that his shelf is off-limits to everyone but him. When he outgrows his clothes, ask him if there is a favorite he would like to save. Cleaning out the toys? Ask him if there is anything he’s not finished playing with yet. This implies that he will be finished with it eventually, a normal occurrence.
Children will look for things they loved and that have vanished and it continues into old age. A terrible thing to do to someone. They will have a lifetime of feeling unstable, vulnerable and certainly unsafe. Remember that someone else’s things are important to them for reasons we will never know and the repercussions never end.
Adults need to remember also that leaving behind a room of childhood /teenage treasures when they leave home is absolutely not fair and reflects another problem. They never wanted to leave mom and dad’s house and need an excuse to come back . There is a bumper sticker that says ‘They haven’t left home until their stuff is out of the basement.’
So, the hoarder is keeping everything close to home, safely protected around him. It may be a pile of newspapers but something happened to cause that. Maybe someone interrupted a statement he made to arrogantly say: “What is your source of information?”
Be kind to the hoarder. Anything else is just another case of blaming the victim.